So we ended up being alone in that dodgy hotel room with only petty conversation, some snacks and a bottle of beer between us. After a long moment of silence you left with that unlit cigarette between your lips.
Carpe Diem. That’s what The Great Romans used to say. To seize the day, because that day might not come for a second time. When The Romans say, “Carpe Diem,” did they ever think of the consequences of the things to come? Did they ever feel guilty for conquering all those villages? Or feel apologetic about all the bloodshed? Come to think of it, the possibilities are slightly minimal since their army consisted of men who are trained for battle. But I guess The Romans were also great in dealing with the aftermath of their seizing the day. I think due to some obligations from The Roman army they were never allowed to show any remorse to what they have done, because they are indeed Romans.
But when it comes to the unheroic battles of reality, Carpe Diem is a risky task. Even to some, I am known as a risk taker, I always think that I’m not. Indeed, I have the guts to do a bungee jump, or explore a whole new city all by myself, or do anything that consist of keeping the adrenaline flowing in my blood. But to me, all those things have calculated risk: I know I won’t hurt myself, or anybody else. There are times, though, when I didn’t have everything so well calculated, when I include feelings in the equation. Well, that was me being stupid putting my feelings at a risk. What haunts me when a Carpe Diem moment presents itself, is not the risk of the moment itself but rather than the aftermath of everything after. In my head I can’t stop calculating the damage control that I would have to do after the event had taken place. Now, that everything is over I’m relieved that I didn’t have to do the damage control I had calculated beforehand but on the other hand I can’t help wonder what would’ve been.
So, okay, what’s done is done, but I’m still faced with the question. When a Carpe Diem moment comes should I do as The Romans do or just flee like I do every time? All this time, when it comes to feelings, I’ve been living by the motto Carpe Diem Cras. Maybe it’s time to gradually change that.
Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.
Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow.