things are getting pretty boring around here

Updates after a long time. What to tell? what to tell? You know what maybe I do have a problem of remembering stuff and retelling them. A lot of stuff happened since the last time I posted but I seem to forgot everything, be it the good, the bad, and the ugly stuff. Maybe I’m a self-centered person, I don’t know. But anyways, lately I don’t feel comfortable being in a large crowd even tough these people are my friends. Maybe I’m just tired of everything I guess. I hardly have time for myself lately. I don’t write the way and as much as I used to, my way of thinking is pretty much the same but I don’t have the time to let it all out. I used to be good in hiding what I feel, my feelings didn’t show up in my face at all. But now, I feel like I’m starting to show signs of dislike when I don’t feel comfortable. I know that humans are supposed to act this way but I used to have a poker face. I guess people do grow tired. I’ve been wearing this face for 22 years, maybe the parts of the “smile automatically” gear has worn out.

The thing is in spite of that, I still find myself grinning and nodding along like an idiot. I mean to people I don’t know maybe I would get my point across but with people I know it’s harder. Because getting my point across would put this person in a very human position; showing an expression of dislike on his/her face. I am very sensitive when it comes to this. Somehow I’m gifted (cursed) with this ability of reading people’s face. Even the smallest glint of vague expression I could tell what it is that they are thinking. And if I had given the time to get to know them for a while, I could read them like a book. So I know when to stop, when they are discomforted. But vice versa, that doesn’t automatically be that way. Let me illuminate you, if I have known person A for a long time and vice versa. I would know everything about person A, but person A (probably) wouldn’t have known squat about me.

I guess if this is a short term relationship like a “Hi buddy” (you know, you pass this person and you say hi, and that’s as far as the relationship goes) kind of thing  I’m okay with it. Because I wouldn’t want a Hi Buddy reading me like a book. Well, I wouldn’t want anybody reading me like a book. I guess not much people out there could really claim that they know me well, seeing that I don’t  But, it’d be nice if they could just take a hint.  以上。


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